Christianity is full of contradictions.
We live to die. We die to live. We sow to reap. We lay down to take up. We love ourselves to love others. We suffer to find joy. We let go to hold on. To be strong we must be weak.
Yes. Christianity is full of contradictions.
I was not among the team members who had the honor of connecting with Nick, but his beliefs strike a cord in me. For how often do I say that I believe what God says, and yet don't trust that His power is great enough to come through for me? I don't live by what He says, so how can I say that I believe in Him?
I am ashamed to say this is such a commonality in my life. "You are Great. You are Good. You are Provider." I say in my prayers. But as I walk my mind echoes doubts and discouragements. "My dreams are impossible. My challenges are too big for me. My needs are greater than my financial opportunities."
It's as if I hear the words of the preacher in church and nod my head in agreement to His description of God's Greatness. And then as soon as i take my step out the door, I walk on as if I never heard anything.
I may believe one way; but I walk in a different direction.
The actions of my life reflect the words of Nick. "I don't believe God, but I believe what He says."
Maybe then, the contradiction is actually not in Christianity, but rather my own heart.
And so, I must ask myself: Can this be different? Can I change? What would my life looked like if I believed what God said, determined to live by it, and did? Maybe then the contradictions wouldn't be so confusing anymore. Maybe then, life would actually make sense.
Perhaps then, I could be pressed but not crushed;
Perplexed, but not despaired.
Pursued but not forsaken.
Struck down but not destroyed.
Maybe then, the circumstances of my life would not be the measuring stick for God's faithfulness to me. Maybe then, God could be the stability of my life, even when I don't understand what is going on. Maybe in these contradictions I can find a haven - for our God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
I want my belief to be my walk.
Don't you?
This post is the fourth in a series of weekly posts designed to inspire and challenge through the stories and thoughts from theRevolutionary Mediabook, "Dear World".Dear World is available for purchase through Blurb, and in November 2009 will be available for digital download by donation.]
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Profound!
I am sitting here trying to think of what to say to what you wrote, actually i think what was wrote through you, but nothing quite would do it justice. No accident i came accross your blog. Thanks, good thoughts to carry thru my day and Life!
Brian